AMERICA: Where two people take up three seats to ride the bus one block.

I’m a crazy girl. I used to consider myself one of the few girls that was not crazy, but here I am. I have issues, people. Lots of kinds of issues… Trust issues, anxiety issues, eating issues. I just have issues…

My fiance Ten is a great guy. He is very reliable, sweet, funny, and he even knows me better than I know myself. Did I mention I think he’s pretty damn sexy, too? Because it’s the truth. Anyway, he’s a pretty great guy and we have had our differences in the past, but now we are happy and moving forward in life. We got engaged, so that’s good. Now we’re about to sign the lease on our new apartment together… I just get scared. Every step of the way, I get cold feet and hesitate that I am making a mistake. And it isn’t even because of how I feel, because I know I love him and I know I want to get this apartment with him, and I know I want him to join the marines. I get scared because I am so afraid that he doesn’t really love me. I am so afraid that he lies to me or cheats on me or straight up is just lying to me about everything our relationship is based on.

Now, logically, he obviously cares about me. We hang out around his family a lot, he went with me to tell me whole family that we got engaged. He invites me to be with him and his friends all the time… No one spends this much time with someone they don’t care about.

Yet, in my head, I am always looking for reasons not to trust him. I look through his phone, I get worried when he comes home late at night that he’s cheating on me even though I know he’s just at his friend’s house. I am always afraid and worried that somehow he really just doesn’t care about me and that when he leaves for boot camp he will want to just forget all about me.

I guess that’s where a lot of my fear is coming from, too… Him leaving. I really do want him to go but three months is kind of a long time to be apart. We have definitely never been apart for that amount of time at any point before this. I don’t know what to think. I am so full of fear that it makes me paranoid all the time about where he is, what he’s doing, and whether or not he even cares about me. See, I told you I have problems…

I always push people away. I don’t let anyone in enough to hurt me, I always stay at a distance. When I have issues with people I almost always say fuck it and try to move on than to try to work things out with them. I like to pretend I don’t need people, but the truth is we all need people sometimes. It’s not a bad thing. I am really good at caring about other people and I’ll always go out of my way for them to make sure they are happy and taken care of, but I have no idea how to let people take care of me. I am used to taking care of myself. And honestly it has a lot to do with the fact that my mom died when I was barely a teenager and I have felt like I was on my own ever since. I have no idea who to trust or not trust, who to let in and who to push away. So I just do it all on my own. I pay my bills and go to work and pay for school and live on my own.

I must truly, completely love this guy to have moved in with him, to say I was willing to commit to him for the rest of my life. I love him and I don’t want to push him away or run away from what we have. I love him sooo much and I’m terrified that I am going to mess it up because I just can’t find it within me to accept that maybe he loves me just as much.

Le sigh…

Let me tell you about my shit-tastic day.

I HATE my job. Well, let me explain. I love my job… I mean, I COULD love my job. There’s so much potential… But I hate it because the way the place I work is managed sucks.

I am not rich by any means and I sure as hell do not get paid to do what I actually do, not even the things I am supposed to do (because, you see, I ACTUALLY do so much MORE than that!).

I don’t know how to explain all of this without explaining my entire job, but I will try.

Pretty much we have a manager, an ACT (animal care tech) managaer, and a manager intern (who, according to her instructions, is supposed to do nothing but be a glorified CSR - customer service rep). Honestly I don’t give a shit if u understand any of that or any of the following at all. My manager does jack shit. She sits in the office all day or is always running off somewhere to do something else and is rarely available to do what her job requires of her - to manage. So all the departments (CSR, Grooming, ACT, PTAs) are constantly arguing with each other or mad at one another or ganging up. No one communicates. My manager doesn’t like to step on anyone’s toes so she never steps in… HELLO!! THAT’S YOUR FUCKING JOB. She NEEDS to step in and TELL people to STFU and do their fucking jobs. Just make it CLEAR to people what their jobs are.

I am sick of being left to manage the PTAs, tell them what to do, basically give them their entire schedule for every day they work. I am a CSR, not the manager. Why doesn’t she fucking TELL them what their job is and then make sure they do it? Instead I’m interrupted every ten minutes by obnoxious questions and people running through the door screaming inappropriate things in the lobby in front of customers… What the hell? Can my manager wake the fuck up and (quite literally) HANDLE HER BUSINESS????? At my job, I do eighty million things a day.

Count the drawer, take dogs to camp, check dogs in, explain all the boarding options, assign activities for those dogs, assign play and stay groups into AM and PM, answer PTA questions, assign PTA activities,  add pics to PTA activities, clean the counter, walk any dogs the PTAs have trouble with, take pictures of every dog boarding with us, check every dog’s vaccination records, make sure the groomers know all the additional services their dogs need so they don’t get pissed at me, make sure I type in all the food/activity notes correctly, upload the pictures correctly, remember to do long term boarding pics, keep track of the time to let camp out at the right time, check up on PTAs to make sure they are accurately completing their lists, try to remember which people can or can’t handle which dogs, or who can or cannot do big or small camp, call to let people know their dogs are finished in grooming, input grooming charges, deal with clients bitching about the prices of grooming and/or boarding, pull out contracts from last month to prove to customers they wanted the SEVEN DOLLAR pet insurance for their pet’s stay, reorganize the retail, price all the new retail, sign for packages, call a plumber for the toilet that’s clogged for the eightieth time, remind someone to order pens, track down the ONE permanent marker we seem to have, remind people that when the trash is full we TAKE IT OUT, that we shouldn’t EAT and PET ANIMALS at the same time, that PTAs should clean it up if their dog poops somewhere, that for the MILLIONTH time, PLEASE, for GOD’S SAKE, don’t yell in the lobby about problems with a dog when there are customers in the lobby, and can you PLEASE check out with me today before you leave and CHECK FOR ADD-ONS??? Won’t someone bring me their camp list so I can charge clients the way I’m supposed to, or fucking backnote something so I understand what the HELL is going on with a reservation? Can someone LIKE MY MANAGER fucking communicate with me or any department in the fucking building?????????????????? CAN WE ALL DO OUR JOBS AND HANDLE OUR BUSINESS??????????

Apparently not.

How hard is it to just make sure people at least KNOW what they’re supposed to do each day? Let’s start by making the schedule correctly and giving people the days off that you approved for them to have off, and not scheduling someone two conflicting shifts in the same day. WTF? Can we make it clear who is a priority in CSR and who isn’t? Some people just aren’t trained to do everything correctly. And just because you’re working up front for the day doesn’t mean you are doing CSR, sometimes you’re assigned just to run dogs and grab pictures for us. End of story. And if someone else is better trained to be up front than you are, then that person isn’t going to be leaving you up front to go and stand in camp or grab a picture, they are going to be staying up front in case a customer comes in and needs to talk to someone who actually fully understands what’s going on up there. And PTAs, can you just clean up after your dogs and fucking take them out for TEN MINUTES and then PUT THEM BACK????? HOW HARD IS THAT??? YOU CAN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF TIME????? If you can’t understand time, I sure as hell don’t want you anywhere near my LIVING, BREATHING DOG. How can I trust someone to care for my dog that can’t even tell the difference between ten minutes and two hours? If you’re going to hire people that can’t even understand simple concepts, then why don’t YOU deal with them instead of hiding in the office all day and leaving ME to tell them forty times a day that NO, it’s NOT okay to take time off of a dog’s activity just because you don’t care for the dog…. REALLY???

I’m tired of covering everyone’s ass and trying to make customers love us. I’m sick and tired of seeing all the response cards commending my manager for doing such a great job when she HONESTLY has no idea what she’s doing and has NOTHING to do with anything positive going on in our center.

Literally the only person on the management team who I have ever seen do any managing is the manager intern, who was basically afterward told not to manage anything and just to be a “glorified CSR”. Fuck this shit. The manager & ACT manager can both learn a LOT from the manager intern. Instead, they abuse the power they have by brushing off their responsibilities and leaving the rest of us to cover their asses. I’m sick of doing a job I’m DEFINITELY not paid to do. I’m sorry, but this isn’t the kind of job where you can just not give a shit… I’m done sitting in meeting listening to my manager try to tell me how to answer the phone, how to talk to customers, etc. I know how to do all that shit. I’m fucking great at my job and better than she is at her own job.

I am SICK and TIRED of people at my workplace being pissed at ME just because I have to tell them to do their job. Point is, I shouldn’t have to tell them to do their job. Number one- they should already do it. Number two- if they’re not doing it, then the MANAGER should be fucking make sure they do it, NOT ME. I am not the MANAGER of these people, I am their coworker. No one likes to be told what to do by their coworker. Yet here I am, having to direct people and have them do things because my manager leaves me literally no choice but to manage shit ON MY OWN.

So fuck it.

I am going to talk to her, and she can either shape up, or I am going above her head as well. This isn’t fair for the employees who make a FRACTION of what she makes when we do ALL THE WORK. Not only that, but it’s honestly not right for someone to be in charge of the well being of living animals when that person DOESN’T CARE.

Then, I get to come home and be furthermore not appreciated by the people in my personal life. I’m sick and tired of this shit. I come home from a HARD ASS DAY and try to do something nice for you to make your LESS HARD and LESS STRESSFUL day a little bit easier, and then I get brushed off.

CAN SOMEONE JUST APPRECIATE ALL THE SHIT I DO FOR THEM TO MAKE THEIR LIVES EASIER???

JESUS.

FUCKING.

CHRIST.

I swear to God, I’m going to shoot myself soon.

lovequotesrus:

Photo Courtesy: moonlight-path

lovequotesrus:

Photo Courtesy: sheamnessy

I should not be awake right now o_0. I hate my job at this moment.

yourfavoritehippie93:

I laughed SO HARD.

LMAO XDD

I shouldn’t have made those last 2 posts. Unnecessary. But sometimes I just get so god damn fed up…

Oh wells.

I hate feeling this way.

Thing is, most of the time, everything is wonderful. It’s just times like this when things build up and I wonder what I’m even doing. I don’t want to be on the fence all the time anymore…

But, like I said before… Oh wells!

I wish I were a stronger willed person, but alas, I am not.

I’m sick of letting you push me around and act like you don’t care about me. And yet here I am…

You lie to my face.

You expect me to belieoqp eihrf;sjkgbnsKLFjSA”KFJ gh

Who fucking cares??? Idk why I’m even writing this here.

Goodbye -_-;